Finding a Father

I decided to write today even though no one is looking at my blogs. lol!

I am missing having an extended family. Having sisters to hang out with, to talk to, to get our kids together to play.  My poor kids don't have a family other than our little family.  All their cousins from my side of the family, don't even know they are cousins.  From their dads side of the family, everyone lives far away from us.

That got me started with thinking about my father.  I know i have siblings out there, but I don't know them.  You see I don't know my father, all I know is his name and that he use to live in the Los Angeles area. Everyone always tells me that I shouldn't care about him because he never tried to look for me.  But I don't know, was I really meant to not have family at all?  I do have family that really cares about me, but they live in Canada.  I have thought about moving there, but I don't know if I could do that to my kids.

I don't know, we will see.  I just want to have people that have my back and love me no matter what.  Which is what I would give, so why can't someone else, other than my kids and my husband, give that to me?

Maybe I should be happy with just that, me and my kids and my husband.

contemplating my job

Well... Here is another entry.

Besides being a Mom and a wife, I am also a student and a teacher. I teach adults only, well as adult as can be, its a vocational school.  This is not the job or career that I went to school for.  I wanted to be a counselor, or therapist, or even a lawyer.  But, I just can't decide!  I just want to help and there are so many people out there that need the help.  I guess in a way I can help the women that are trying to get a better career, especially since I was there before.  A single mother trying to get paid better.

These women are from broken homes like me, some are a few years younger than me, others are much younger than me, just a few years older than my daughter!  I feel for them, and want to help them, but I just don't know if this is what I want to do for my whole career.  Is it another one of those that you are stuck with the same title for years?  I want to make good money, not because I am money hungry, but because I want a house for my children to spend their middle school and high school years in. A house that everyone can come to hang out.  I want that, but living here in this area, you have to get paid at least 80,000 a year!  I don't make nearly that yet. I also want to stay in this area, it is a nice neighborhood with good schools.  I don't want to live in a crappy neighborhood just to pay less rent.  Its confusing.

Anyway, I have a lot to think about.

Hello to you who is reading this...

Well, here it is...my blog.  I have been wanting to start a blog since I heard there were blogs, but never got the courage to start. I am not a writer,but since I was little I would always write journals. Not as much as I wanted to because I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment in San Francisco with 7 other people!! So of course, no privacy.  I wanted to start a blog as well because I heard it was good for writing skills. 

I guess I should write about myself. As I decided on my blog name, nothing else came to my mind but being a MOM. That is the most thing I am most proud of. Coming from a dysfunctional family, I always told myself that I would try and be the best Mom possible. I tried, and am trying. My kids are not perfect let me tell you, they are far from it. I have a teenage daughter that has had emotional issues, now that could have been society not me, but a mother always feels responsible. My son has been diagnosed with ADD since he was in the third grade, and now he is in 7th going to 8th, but it has been a battle. My little dear daughter is 6 years old, and is just a doll, but so very emotional, and I HATE that! I hate the word HATE by the way. I don't like her being that way because I am that way, and I know how it feels and how it looks to other people.  You are hiding all your greatness behind all that emotion and it is hard.  I am not married but I have been with my significant other for 14 years now! We will get married one day, but it is so expensive and so time consuming. I just finished or actually finishing my Bachelors degree. It took a lot of brain power, but I finally did it!! 

Well, that's a little about me. I will try and write everyday and put my thoughts down. I will try to be as honest as possible, this is the internet after all, you got to be careful what you say.  :)

Thanks for reading!!

Have a great day! 

Much love to you all!

-Latina Mami Elna